got the blues...

i still remember the bitter taste of deception and anguish...
still look behind my shoulder just to be sure my nightmare is really over
wont ever find out if it was fair, how my faith seems to have betrayed me and threw me right to the floor
wont ever know the reasons
wont ever find what's real
truth is im still afraid of whats to come n if i'll make the cut
i scream from the top of my lungs how strong i am...but deep down inside im just shaking like a leaf on a tree
am i supposed to be this poser who doesn't show emotion?
or was i meant to show my tears
my fears
the blues that makes me wonder?
am i supposed to be the one who doesn't feel pain?
or is it ok just to let go, cut loose n show my inner light...sometimes bright...some days dimmed n weak...but mine!
im afraid im gonna forget my lessons learned...n somehow be forced to take my falls again...
but its so easy to stand in the light of hope
feels so good..like warm and sweet
im even close to believe the darkness in my past is far behind
how could one choose cold, rain, anguish n pain
over warmth, joy, thrill n hope?
its not easy keeping my feet grounded...
my thoughts with an objective...
whats so great about goals and objectives anyways if ur always bound to miss them all?
whats wrong with tasting the bitterness n choosing tears instead of laughs, if i've learned it all thanks to the darkness that surrounds me?
am i crazy?
am i lost?
am i alone n feeling trapped?
damn are all this long walks in vain????
where is supposed to be the fucking finish line n where the hell is my powerade?
yes, im tired
my feet hurt n my mind is loosing control
i need peace
i need to be back to where i just didnt give a shit
hey, it was easier...
it was painless
it was black n white
it was easy on the eye...
when did i become a weirdo who doesn't seem to fit in?
where did i go???
who stole away my sanity,
my ignorance,
my false tranquility?
what on earth made me leave my inner demons?
why do angels sing to me?
im just stuck here all alone
waiting...
but it doesn't look good...