used to be

i gotta say...in fact things were much easier
when did all become so complicated?
when did words unspoken and silence become a better option?
when did i fall apart???
i used to be so careless and innocent
used to see things differently i think
im pretty sure i was way more optimistic
ashamed to say, more energetic...
im trying to walk my steps
back to those days
i miss feeling good about what i said
i miss not being afraid of any sort of whiplash
i really miss being free of fear and doubt
wish it could be as easy as waking up there in my happy place
with my rock classics
my dearest diary
and my favorite crush
my innocence intact
my mind clean
my soul the purest
so many people around me...
so many gone and forgotten
being blue and a minute later the happiest
with just a simple turn of events
how many things would need to be changed today to make it that good again?!
i dont know what is that i lost along the way,
but i swear i miss it the most at night
somehow i catch myself reminiscing my old self
the sweet kid, the young girl
she that wished upon falling stars
and crossed her fingers
she couldnt be more careless, less aware of her flaws
and more happy
there were no horses either, no sweet blue prince
or no true success
but there was enough enthusiasm
enough endurance
enough hope and fortitude to make it through the day by day course
i kept it real, i made it happen
i let it go, i opened the door
i said goodbye, i wiped the blood
i walked away, i searched again
i thought it twice, i laughed out loud
but that was before sorrow took over...
before i stopped believing
before i held on to nothing
before i got lazy enough to stop caring
lazy? was it really laziness?
or did something really changed and took away light and joy...
and brought along all this...black, dark night?